Baby One

Autumn~

You're five months old. My goodness gracious these months have flown by.  You are the happiest
baby I've ever seen. You smile and wiggle and giggle and chuckle. Your toothless drooly grin makes me smile every time.  You're rolling over from tummy to back and back to tummy.  You reach for toys
and study your fingers.  It's been chilly, but on the warm days when you don't wear socks, it's a treat to watch you explore your toes.  I treasure these baby moments with you because I know you're my last baby. I gaze at your rubber band wrists and fatty legs. Your rolls are so chubby I could just squeeze you
all day long.  Soon you'll be sitting up and trying to crawl.  You're such a good sleeper too; sleeping 8-10 hours at night!
I give you sweet baby talk and precious nicknames like chipmunk, chumba wumba and baby one.

You are after all, my Baby One.

Love,
Mama

I wuz cankles

Wren~

You're not really a toddler anymore. You're starting to be a kid.  The chubby budda belly is
slimming down. You're getting tall and lean. Those cankles are nearly gone too.  You were such a cute baby and now you're turning into such a pretty little girl.  You're thoughtful and sweet, always saying thank you and your welcome. You're just starting to pay attention to your baby sister. I swell with love when I see you smiling and interacting with her.  You also have a new bff. Our dog, Mya.  You share your snacks with her, even when I tell you not to. You love to take her for walks so you can hold the leash. I think your favorite time is when she lays next to you on the couch while you watch cartoons. 

You're asserting your independence each day, telling us, "You stay here!" while you attempt to go do something by yourself.  The other day while you and I were eating lunch you starting asking "why" to everything I said. I starting laughing and said, "oh no oh no oh no!" as I realized we'd hit the "why" stage.  You were hilarious; getting a bewildered look on your face, you tried to formulate a very complex thought and asked me, "Mama, why you say, 'oh no?'"  You were trying to understand my reaction.  It just made me realize how big you're getting and how complex your thoughts and words are getting.

You do have a habit of raising your voice, stomping your foot and crossing your arms if you don't get your way. Hmmm, I wonder where that stubborness comes from.

My favorite times are when you sit on my lap and snuggle. I say, "I love you Birdy," and you (sucking your thumb and twirling your hair) look up at me sideways and say, "I wuz you too mama."

I will always wuz you Birdy.

Love,
Mama

Wyons and Tigers

Tonight in the backyard Wren was yelling at our dog, Mya, to stop eating squirrel poop.  It was hilarious! We also went around the yard in a virtual "snowstorm" of dandelion seeds floating in the air picking said "danda wyons."  Wren is going through a very counterdependent phase right now.  I believe shrinks call it the "separation process" and the rest of us call it the "terrible twos."  She wants to help us do everything, which really is more of a hindrance mostly. Except when I'm making dinner and need her to rock her baby sisters swing and talk to her. Or when I have Autumns pumpkin seat in the big part of the shopping cart and Wren is riding in the rumble seat and I need her to turn around and smile, talk and rock her baby sister while I get some shopping done.  It makes up for the times she wants to help feed the dog; one piece of dog food at a time.

We have our house on the market.  I spend a certain amount of time stuffing mail, toys, stray socks and washcloths into various hiding places and then can't find them again.    Most of our belongings are in storage but the few that remain in the house keep getting shuffled in the name of keeping the house staged.  It's a huge pain in the ass. But alas, I can't wait to sell this house.  It's in a very busy part of the city. We live near a hospital so the siren noise is all the time.  Siren noise all the time will make a person edgy and anxious.  Give me a home where the buffalo roam and the skies are not cloudy all day....

Autumn is such a sweet and happy baby. She smiles and laughs more in one day than Wren would in a week at that age. I choose to breastfeed. Wren was a marathon feeder. She would languish on my breast for 30-45 minutes. She was a gentle, thoughtful feeder though. Never biting or tugging.  Autumn is much different.  She's a sprinter. She's done nursing within ten minutes.  If you look at my boobs though, it looks like I've been breastfeeding a baby tiger.  While she eats, she pinches, kneads and scratches with her sharp little fingernails.  And she pops off the boob with a lip smack so loud she wakes herself up.  Startled, she looks up at me like I did something, then grin.  Even her eyes smile.

My girls. They make me tired. They make me smile.

Pony Girl

Wren~

Tonight you galloped and neighed all over the house pretending to be a horse.
My heart smiled. The best part is that I didn't teach you to do it.
  I used to gallop and neigh pretending to be a horse when I was a kid too.
You are going to be my pony girl :)

Love,
mama

Potty talk

To my girls,

Autumn, you pee more than anybody I know. Today I changed your diaper and before I even picked you up, you peed again. You do this a lot. It makes me laugh, which makes you laugh. I love it.

Wren, today while I was changing Autumn diaper you were supposed to be sitting on the potty. You showed up in the doorway with your pants around your ankles to announce that you peed on the potty. I praised you and asked you to go wipe yourself and wait for me in the bathroom. When I got there, the toilet was half full of toilet paper. I laughed. Too cute.

You both make me smile :)

Thoughts of a stay at home mom.

Little dog sleeping next to me on the couch. Big dog sleeping in the kitchen. Littlest baby asleep in her swing. Toddler sleeping in her bed, with a fever.  Mama sitting in the couch contemplating lifes biggest questions. I gotta stop doing that. I get so restless sometimes; wondering if I'm making the right choices. Am I happy enough? Am I screwing my kids up? Should I be working or staying at home? Will anyone notice the dust in my house, or the dog hair tumbleweeds?  Should I clean out my closet?
How long am I going to live? Why is my husband buying soda at the office; how long is he going to live?  Should we sell our house and move right now? Why does the squeaky floorboard in the hallway bother me so much?  What career do I want when I eventually go back to work? Should I play it safe or go for broke?  What color highlights do I want? How should I cut my hair? Why am I lazy about using lotion on my dry skin? When am I going back to the dentist to get my cavity filled?  Why don't I take better care of my teeth?  Is it really too much trouble to wipe my make-up off at night?  Will my mom still come visit as often if we move across town?  Why do I put so much pressure on myself? Why can't I live in the moment? Why do I procrastinate? Why can't I just pick one thing and do it?  Why am I a lazy cook most of the time?  Why do donuts tempt me so much? Why don't I exercise more?  Is my stomach ever going to look decent after two c-sections? Are my boobs going to look like tube socks and tennis balls when I'm done breastfeeding?  When will I stop absorbing other peoples problems and feel them as if they were my own?  Seriously, I get anxiety when I hear about someone else having problems.  That can't be healthy.  Do I really want to move back to the country; because sometimes it's scary being far away from resources and other people? And there are no streetlights that I've become accustomed to these last 15 years away from the country. Will it be like riding a bike? Will I just get back into the country living way of life once I'm there? I want to. It makes me nervous though.
And with all those things on my mind, I must sign off. Baby Autumn hasn't pooped for two days and she decided right now, while I'm writing, would be the time to let loose.  So much time for questions but no time for answers.

Snow day Snuggles

Dear Autumn,

You're asleep on my chest in your fuzzy pink jumper. Warm and snuggly on this cold snowy day. I hope you will always want to snuggle in close for comfort from your mama.
I love you.
- Mama