Wednesday, June 13, 2012

The drone of limbo

I have a little hum going on in my skin almost all the time right now. It's anxiety.  It snuck in when I let my guard down I guess.  Things were on an upswing, or so I thought, until they were on a different swing altogether.  I don't want to say a downswing because I don't know if that's true.  It might be a swing for the better.  A swing toward something better. That's what I'm praying for anyway.  My husband and I listed our house for sale in March. I was so excited! I've been itching to move back to the country for years and it was finally going to happen.  Then he lost his job on May 11.  Have I mentioned this yet?  Yeah. So anyway. He'd been there for ten or so years. A few years ago a bigger company bought them and eventually stopped funding most projects except for one government contract (the reason they bought the company to begin with). My husband was on the losing end of that deal. His boss gave him a heads up that he'd be turned loose soon...and he made good on his word. We're a smidge over one month into unemployment now.  I'm not freaking out. But I do have a low frequency anxiety going on.  He's been interviewing with some companies. He's getting ready to go into his final (fourth) interview with one company and they have it narrowed to three candidates.  It's just seems like quicksand right now.  And it seems like we're in one of those horror movies where you're running down the spooky hallway and the hallway just keeps getting longer and longer.  Yeah, just like that.  I know he's going to get something soon. I have faith which is why I'm not having an out and out panic attack. 
Our house is still for sale. The catch is, if we sell it right now, we can't buy another one because nobody is going to give a loan to unemployed people.  What, you think this is 2008 or something?

So the tape running through my head most days is this: Where are we going to live? Where is Mark going to work? Where are the girls going to go to school? When can I get all our stuff out of storage? What is the lesson in this?

Mark has some big interviews coming up in the next two weeks. I'll be praying that something good happens. I'm ready for us to turn the page and move into the next chapter of our loves...and to have health insurance.

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