Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Life is good

So I'm sitting here on the couch taking a mental assessment of the day while my new husband is watching the World Series. My dog is curled up next to me and my new stepdog is laying at my feet. I am employed as a salesperson for a Fortune 500 company and I sold a big effing account yesterday. Booyah. I had a great cup of coffee this morning accompanied by a toasted "everything" bagel (because I think onion and garlic are fantastic breakfast fare!) with a sun-dried tomato schmear. I had a sales meeting this afternoon during which I was recognized for my efforts and accomplishments. Then my friend L and I went a bought my Halloween costume. I feel very blessed right now.

About that costume; we stopped in the Halloween store for inspiration, but I don't really like store-bought costumes. So we went to this trashy little store where I found a 70's inspired blue dress with giant blue rhinestones, a white pleather belt and matching blue dangley earrings. We went back to the Halloween store where I bought a blonde afro wig. I'm gonna find some white go-go boots and big sunglasses. So what am I supposed to be? My mother when she was about 20. A disco queen baby!

Boo turned me on to this band called Here Come the Mummies and I love them. We go see them everytime they come to town. They happen to be in town this Friday and we happen to have tickets! I'm going to wear my Halloween outfit, drink too many cocktails and dance my ass off. Boo and I always have a ball at the Mummie shows. Check out their stuff I will warn you, all of their music is one big schexual innuendo. Watch out! My personal favorites are "Wiener Man" and "Boom Boom Room." You've got to see them live to fully appreciate them, trust me. Go see them when they're in your town, just once..try it, you'll like it. Everybody's doing it. Don't you want to be cool? From you alright! I learned it by watching you! You've got to be a certain age to get that last reference.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Sound Bite:

The scene opens with Boo and I driving to the furniture store except that he turns too soon and has to turn around.

Me: Are you gonna do a bunny?

Boo: *looks at me sideways with eyebrows raised* Huh?

Me: I can't believe that just came out of my mouth. Lately I can't say the words I'm trying to say.

Boo: What the hell were you trying to say?

Me: Well, this is what was in my head, 'Are you gonna do a U turn/ U-ee, Boo?'
But what came out was "Are you gonna do a bunny"
So, "uturn/u-ee and Boo" equal bunny.

Boo: You'll say anything to rationalize it.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Covered bridges and fried food!

Whew! It's been a long day; but in a good way. Here in Indiana we have a thing every October in Parke County (which is about and hour and a half from me) called Covered Bridge Festival. You see, Parke Co. has something like 32 covered bridges. So, practically every little town in the county has it's own two week long celebration. All kinds of vendors selling everything from handmade crafts to antiques to crappy flea market crap to quilts and fudge. Oh, the food! Lemme tell ya what I ate...Started out the day with a corn dog, then later I had a barbeque sandwich with seasoned potatoes topped with cheese and sour cream. We sampled some kettle corn, yum. Oh then right in the middle of the day we were strolling along looking at all the booths when out of nowhere this 60 year old woman is yelling at whom I presume is her grandson. He's probably 11 or 12..just the right age to test your nerves but still she should not have reacted the way she did. Let me relay to you what she yelled at him in the middle of the street in front of God and everybody... "My cell phone doesn't work out here, and if you don't mind what I say I'll take my fist and punch you in the face little boy!" Nice. Freakin hillbilly. I wanted to punch her in the face with MY fist! All the people around were looking at each other like, "can you believe this bitch?" Anyway...
So then we drove to the Amish Wal-Mart. This place is actually a by-the-side-of-the-road Amish produce/baked goods stand. I had been telling Boo about the amazing fruit fry pies that the Amish gals whip up...and they didn't disappoint this trip. I had cherry, he had apple; delish.
So we made it home by about 6:30 totally worn out.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Photo Friday, except it's Thursday

I got a new camera and I took this really great picture of my dog..just thought I'd share. Also, I am officially Mrs. Boo now. I went to all the necassary offices today to make my name change legal. Suprisingly, the BMV was not painful. The lady was actually pretty funny. Oh, I almost forgot...I went on my first appointment this morning for work and totally bit it. It had been raining so the bottoms of my high heels were wet. Then, I walked into this place with beautiful marble floors. Beautifully slick as baby shit marble floors. I fell down and couldn't catch myself because my hands were full. I was so embarassed because people saw me do it. I felt sorry for myself just like I feel sorry for other people when they fall down. Also, I've had a few beers this evening just in case any of what I'm saying is a bit askew.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Brain fart

Sometimes my brain doesn't work. I went to my office for a little while this morning, then left to go to my first appointment. My friend/coworker L was riding with me so we decided we'd stop at Starbucks on our way to the appointment. As it turns out, we had about an hour to kill so we had coffee and breakfast. We scanned the "clearance" table and I found two travel mugs that were marked down to $5.99 each. Previously they were $800.99 each....okay, they might as well have been because I wouldn't have spent more than $5.99 each. Boo and I got a fancy coffeemaker as a wedding gift and I felt like we needed travel mugs so that maybe I'll quit spending money at often. Anyway, I bought the mugs and the barista put them into a huge shopping type bag. I carried it over to the table and L and I proceeded to have breakfast and interesting conversation. You should have seen how much sugar this one woman put in her grande coffee! Woo! So, 45 minutes later L and I got up and left. That was around 8:45am. Fast forward to this evening at 6pm when I am sooo excited to get out the new mugs only to realize they are MIA. No mugs anywhere in my car. Shit! I left them at Starbucks! I called them up and the guy didn't see the bag or the mugs anywhere. I was positive somebody stole them. Then, in a rambling last ditch effort I describe the table where I sat near the condiment bar. "Ah ha!" he says. "There it is right where you left it!" I have to tell you, my faith in people (at least the ones that go to Starbucks) is renewed. All damn day that bag sat with cool mugs that were all paid for, and nobody took it! Hooray people! I'm picking my mugs up in the morning.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Isn't "squirrel" a weird word?

I woke up this morning pissed off. I have no idea why. I was just irritable for no real reason. I even went to Starbucks for an Iced tall nonfat carmel macciato which is my usual wednesday morning routine, and it didn't even help. Then miraculously when I got to the office it began to wear off. Typically this order of emotional events happens in reverse. I'm usually testy at the office..not at Starbucks. Hmmm...I don't know what this means. Must have been a fluke.

Anyway, just a small observation to note on this blustery, unusually nippy October day; we had a small replica of the Wild Kingdom in our backyard this afternoon. There were eight million varieties of birds swooping from tree to tree to deck to yard to tree. My favorite bird, the Blue Jay, was out in force. I counted four. And a mottled disheveled looking cardinal made an appearance on the bench. There were two busy little squirrels hopping around in the yard. They were collecting berries and whatnot in their cheeks then digging around in the grass to bury the loot. I have no idea if these crazy buggers will be able to find it again. I assume they know what their doing. Needless to say, I felt I should let the menagerie know that their human neighbors would provide for them I put out an ear of field corn for the squirrels and I filled the bird feeder.
I don't feed the birds in the summer because there is plenty for them to eat. And, I usually don't feed them until the first frost, but I wanted to be sure the Blue Jays knew they could hang around here. They are such shits, I love them.

Monday, October 8, 2007

The Big Day

I promised to describe my wedding day so here I go. It really couldn't have been more perfect. Since I've been married before I'm not superstitious about seeing each other before the ceremony. Hey, it didn't help the first time! So, we woke up together at our house and went to breakfast with C and A. It was a substantial country breakfast because I knew I wouldn't have a chance to eat lunch, and breakfast is my favorite meal to go out for.

We went back to the house and loaded the cars with our luggage and wedding decorations. Boo's mom, A and me went to the little town where my wedding was and began decorating the gazebo. The town has the cutest little park with a quaint little gazebo and beautiful landscaping. It was $50. to rent the park. Yes, Fifty. We hung some fall garland and put some gorgeous mums on the steps. Autumn is my favorite.

I had to leave to get my hair done. It turned out perfect, half up, mostly down and wavy. I went back to the Inn where we were all staying the night and also where the reception was going to be. I went upstairs to our suite to relax for a few minutes. I just sat there and absorbed the moment. Our room was gorgeous. The bed was huge and cushy..I even wrote down the type of mattress it was! I'm a little obsessive sometimes. The headboard was a giant Victorian style that took up most of the wall. The drapes were deep dark heavy blue velvet that fell into puddles at the floor. The sunlight was muted by the lace sheers creating this really romantic feeling. *sigh* I'd love to go back right now.

Anywho, the ceremony was at 6:30 in the little park, it was gorgeous. We only had twenty guests, it was very intimate. Afterward we walked one block over to the Inn for dinner. We had a wonderful time. The food was perfect; each person had filet mignon, a chicken breast, baby glazed carrots and roasted potatoes. There was a four piece jazz band and occasional dancing. The evening was very special.
After our guests left, Boo and I made our way upstairs where we discovered another gift. Some friends had arranged for us to have the "romance package." So, when we opened the door there was a candle burning, rose petals scattered on the bed and floor, a chilled bottle of champagne and chocolate dipped strawberries. It was perfect.

So, I know I'm all sappy and "everything was perfect" so, don't throw up. But seriously, it couldn't have been better. My first wedding sucked. It was all wrong and the wrong guy..and I knew it when it happened. I knew it while I waited in the hallway before going down the isle.

So, I was storybook elated when it was all falling into place and felt just right. It felt better than right, it favorite.

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Show me your crotch!

Ah, here I am. I have been intending to publish a blog ever since I became hopelessly addicted to a couple of other blogs. I am not making any promises of comedy, drama or profoundness. I will, however, post some of my life experiences that I think are interesting. I have a horrible memory and this blog will also serve as my crutch. Oh, most of the time this blog will pretty much be rated PG-13. So, away we go...

I got married yesterday. Again. To a different guy (thank God). Yep, it was a pretty spectacular day for me. I am going to have to describe it for you, but I have to start the night before the wedding. My fiance's brother flew in from Tampa with his own fiance' and were staying with us Friday night.
Okay, time out. Let's get some things straight, Boo is my fiance (now husband) and his brother is C, who's fiance is A. Okay, game on.
C decided he should take Boo out for the traditional rite of passage for single men who are about to get hitched. They gathered up a few other guys and went out in a limo. They went to dinner, then to a local bar. Apparently that bar was "dead" and so they *had* to go to Babes. I can see their dilemma, can't you? So, Boo ends up onstage with his own belt around his neck and roped to the infamous pole. The girls were alternatley spanking and grinding on him. I'm sure he was miserable. The only reason I know these details is because Boo knows that I detest strip clubs and that I detest lying even more. So, he felt he was safer telling me the truth than running the risk of lying to me the day of our wedding. He's a smart guy. I wasn't mad, I know it won't be a regular occurance for him to go there. Lucky for him (and me) he didn't smell like a dirty vanilla crotch. Yeesh!

So, while he was out with the guys I was hanging out with A. She's very cool and we are very similar people with similar dysfunctional pasts. We had a big time the night before my wedding. It was pretty crazy. We started the evening at the barn where my horse lives. A is a horseperson too and I wanted to introduce her to my biggest critter. We then proceeded to the tanning shop so I could get a spray tan. I am soooo white. If I didn't get some bronzing I would have looked like a big ivory blob in my ivory wedding gown. Now, this is where it gets a little interesting. We left the tanning place and got on the interstate to go to Cheesecake Factory for dinner. We were cruising along, A was talking on her cell and I noticed a car next to us. It was a brand new electric blue VW Passat with no tags. Here's what happened...

A: talking on her cell
Me: notice a car matching my speed on the passenger side
Me: notice a lean, good looking young black man driving the car
A: talking on her cell
Me: notice the man is stroking his penis
Me: "A! That guy is jacking off!"
A: "Oh my Gawd!"
Me: "What should I do?"
Jack: smiling at us while beating off
A: "Laugh!"

So, we were laughing. Let me just say, he was sitting in that Passat and the tip of his penis came all the way up to the horn on his steering wheel! He was certainly proud of himself, and we were impressed with his uh, er... stuff?...even though it was a pretty creepy situation. Eventually, he was done and we took our exit. A and I ended up eating at Panda Express in the mall, getting some Starbucks and going home to shoot the shit. Yea, I told you it was a crazy night out! That's sarcasm, people.

Tell you what, this has been an incredibly long post, so I'll post more tomorrow telling you all about my wedding day.