Little dog sleeping next to me on the couch. Big dog sleeping in the kitchen. Littlest baby asleep in her swing. Toddler sleeping in her bed, with a fever. Mama sitting in the couch contemplating lifes biggest questions. I gotta stop doing that. I get so restless sometimes; wondering if I'm making the right choices. Am I happy enough? Am I screwing my kids up? Should I be working or staying at home? Will anyone notice the dust in my house, or the dog hair tumbleweeds? Should I clean out my closet?
How long am I going to live? Why is my husband buying soda at the office; how long is he going to live? Should we sell our house and move right now? Why does the squeaky floorboard in the hallway bother me so much? What career do I want when I eventually go back to work? Should I play it safe or go for broke? What color highlights do I want? How should I cut my hair? Why am I lazy about using lotion on my dry skin? When am I going back to the dentist to get my cavity filled? Why don't I take better care of my teeth? Is it really too much trouble to wipe my make-up off at night? Will my mom still come visit as often if we move across town? Why do I put so much pressure on myself? Why can't I live in the moment? Why do I procrastinate? Why can't I just pick one thing and do it? Why am I a lazy cook most of the time? Why do donuts tempt me so much? Why don't I exercise more? Is my stomach ever going to look decent after two c-sections? Are my boobs going to look like tube socks and tennis balls when I'm done breastfeeding? When will I stop absorbing other peoples problems and feel them as if they were my own? Seriously, I get anxiety when I hear about someone else having problems. That can't be healthy. Do I really want to move back to the country; because sometimes it's scary being far away from resources and other people? And there are no streetlights that I've become accustomed to these last 15 years away from the country. Will it be like riding a bike? Will I just get back into the country living way of life once I'm there? I want to. It makes me nervous though.
And with all those things on my mind, I must sign off. Baby Autumn hasn't pooped for two days and she decided right now, while I'm writing, would be the time to let loose. So much time for questions but no time for answers.