Friday, October 10, 2008

Whew, heavy.

Well, I really must apologize for my previous post. I will admit to you though that I'm quite a light weight when it comes to drinking. Last nights drunken blog was the result of three beers. Yep, three. And I truly am having problems with my "b" key. I have to push it extra hard to be sure it works. Also, I assure you that my sober husband drove me home last night. I don't drink very often and I think he finds it amusing when I do.
Anyway, I have an annoying addiction right now. I compulsively shop for homes on the "" website. I want to live in the country so badly that I drive myself crazy surfing around looking at online listings. It's like a hamster on a wheel, determined to actually get somewhere new, but finds itself running in place getting nowhere. I seem to be standing on the edge of discontent all the time and I feel like I've felt like this as long as I can remember, even as a kid. I always daydream of the future and the "what ifs" without really living in and enjoying the present. I have a hunch that mindset contributes greatly to my discontent. My mind is always looking down the road trying to see around the bend. Meanwhile I'm probably missing the important moments in a blur like trying to look at flowers on the side of the road when you're driving too fast. It's impossible to focus on the flowers and the road in front of you. Focus. I should try that too. Finding someplace to put my focus besides a future that will be just as fuzzy to me when I get there as the present feels right now. I was talking with Boo this evening about my discontent and how I need to figure out how to make myself happy. This is where some people go wrong, they look outside of themselves for happiness. They think their spouse or kids should make them happy. They think material possessions will make them happy. I am aware that happiness is someplace inside of myself, I just need to bring it out. My Boo is very sweet, he says," let me know if there's anyway I can help." I tell ya, that simple sentence is enough, just knowing I have his support is enough...he doesn't need to do anything.
So, I am on a journey within myself to find the happiness that I've been searching for.


Mrs Mom said...

Elliemae, it is a hard journey, but once you get "in there", you will be amazed at what you learn. Have faith, be honest with yourself, and love that mare of yours too!

The journey into yourself is often times scoffed at by "others", but when you look at them... well, they sure are miserable. You have to be comfortable with your own skin, and who You Are in order for your life to progress.

Good journey to you! I bet you will love who you find ;)

Mrs Mom said...

Hey Elliemae! I posted another scary story today just for you! ;)

Have fun with it... Thinking about that place still tot his day creeps me out, so I thought if I wrote it write, you might get a chill too! hehe

country roads said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one that's fought/fighting this battle. Also, it's good to know that it happens to girls too :-) I was beginning to wonder there for awhile.

The W.O.W. factor said...

Hey...I forgive you for that b-b-b-b-b-b -goofy post yesterday!
Do you think it's "this time of year" that has you searching elsewhere?
Happiness DOES come from within and you know it, cuz you said it! It will come to you!