I did it. It took all day for me to put on my big girl panties and say what I wanted to say. But in the end, I did it.
I quit my job. Yes, I turned in my two weeks notice today at 5pm. I went out this morning and made sales calls all day as if it were any other day then I came home and called my manager (he lives in Kentucky) and told him I was leaving. He said,"Damn, I hate to lose you, your such a good rep." Which was a nice compliment and the same sort of feedack and reassurance my self image is going to miss.
I really struggled to make this decision. Most people would be thrilled if they had an opportunity to quit their job to pursue things that matter to them. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited. Just sort of a tenuous, nervous excited.
See, I've worked my whole life. I started babysitting when I was 12, began waitressing at 16 and worked a few different jobs thru college. Then I graduated and began working to actually support myself completely on my own, changing jobs a few times to increase my wage. I got married (the first time) and was the breadwinner in that situation. Then I got divorced and had to go out and find my own place again and change jobs to increase my salary. The focus was always money. With each new position I made more money so I could provide for myself. My parents raised me to be self-reliant. I recall my womanizing father training me up to "never put yourself in a position where you're depending on a man." And I never did. I worked hard, moving up the salary scale. I always had a nice apartment, a nice car, boarded my horse, had nice clothes, went out for dinner and drinks with friends. I did pretty well for myself.
For awhile now though my thoughts wander to those talents and interests I had when I was younger. I was always into photography, creative writing, acting, art. The original liberal arts girl. I always wondered if I could earn a living doing something I enjoy. I've never had the chance to pursue any of those dreams because I was always the main source of income and money came first.
Until now. My husband, Boo, told me if I wanted to chase some of those dreams that I should because if I don't, then I may regret when I'm an old woman. He said, we are in a position right now that it would be fine if you want to try some of those ideas.
I have about four and a half months before our baby arrives. I will never have this time to myself again. I feel that I have worked hard for a long time and I'm about to work even harder when the bundle arrives. I should take advantage of this time to chase a dream or two. Boo is behind me all the way, and I trust him. This is a new and wonderful feeling in my life.
I have an underlying fear that I will somehow screw this up and botch the whole thing. I'm worried I will produce nothing from my efforts. It's a little intimidating to be faced with the task of facing your dreams. I don't have a plan yet. But here goes.