Tuesday, February 19, 2008

No Bandits, it's better than that.

*sigh* I am rubbing my eyes and scratching my head. I don't even know where to begin.

Our honeymoon, and by honeymoon I really mean the shittiest trip ever, was a bust.

The Beginning of the End

We left on Saturday Feb. 9th and the trouble started during our layover at O'Hare. I had a little tickle in my throat that gradually became a deep bronchial whoop that threatened to produce one of my lungs onto the floor. Our layover was four hours during which time I curled up in the hard, cold gray vinyl chairs in the terminal. I was becoming restless and irritable. Finally we boarded our United flight. Sat on the plane. There was a mechanical issue. Sit some more. Deplane. (not dee-playne! dee-playne!) They had to get a new plane for us. Board the new plane. Holy shit there is another small mechanical issue. Sit on the plane. Finally, we can push back and fly toward Cancun.

Upon arrival it took forever to get thru customs and I had to keep sitting on the floor in line. Then we rode in a van from the airport all the way down to Playa Del Carmen to our resort.
We arrived there around 9pm. We left our house that morning at 5am so you can imagine my relief when we finally got there. Okay, we're here! Let's get this party started! Right? Not so much.
My throat was on fire! Or, "en fuego!" the locals might say. And I was beginning to have chills.
I toughed it out on Sunday and we actually went to the pool for a little while. I drank five Malibu and diets and didn't realize it until we left the pool and got out of the sun. I was sunburned and hammered, both unintentional. Well, that sunburn didn't help my cause. That night I went to bed shivering and chilling only to wake up in puddles of sweat.
Monday it was time to call the doctor. We realized that our excellent forethought to buy travel insurance was paying off because the doctors services would be reimbursed.
Just a side note: If anyone ever offers you an extra insurance policy when you're traveling, buy it. This includes the little insurance policy on rental cars too. Boo learned that the hard way. But that's another story.
Okay, so the Mexican doctor comes to the hotel room and offers two options after checking me out. Option one: pills Option two: a shot in the ass plus pills (the shot works quicker)
Obviously I chose the shot/pills combo because I want to feel better as quickly as possible. I honestly can't remember the last time I had an actual shot in my butt cheek. But it stings like a bitch...a bee...a bitchy bee!
Meanwhile, Boo is very sweet and takes care of me and sacrifices his sunshine honeymoon time to hang out in the room with me while I sleep/freeze/sweat/cough and cry.
Fast forward to Thursday. Yea, the shot happened Monday and I wasn't feeling better until Thursday. So anyway, Thursday we claimed a spot by the pool, in the shade and pretty much parked ourselves there all day. We even went snorkeling in the lagoon, which was very cool because I had never been snorkeling before. We saw some very colorful fish, a lobster and Boo had a little friend swimming near his crotch. That was funny! We were under water and I looked at Boo and noticed he had a fish the size of my hand traveling between his legs, as his own personal reef. I pointed and Boo glanced down and actually let out a little underwater scream that came out of his snorkel. Ha ha! A funny little moment.
Friday we went horseback riding on the beach and in the ocean. I was feeling better at that point but Boo was beginning his desent into sickness. The ride seemed to be riddled with unsavory happenings. Two or three people fell off or their horses laid down in the sand. The worst was the guy that tried to bail off his horse when he lost control and he ended up bleeding from the head and had to go to the hospital. But Boo and I had good caballos (cub-eye-o's) named Pepe and Loco. Riding in the ocean was pretty cool and wore my most tropical bikini. Go ahead create the imagery....a slightly overweight early 30's pasty white chick in a turquiose bikini with little square wooden beads on a chocolate brown horse gracefully wading in the crystal clear caribbean ocean. Actually, when I saw the photo I wasn't as fat as I thought I was.
After the riding we took a nap then headed to 5th avenue in Playa to do a little souvenir shopping. We saw some interesting people and found some stuff for everyone. I had a picture taken with a squirrel monkey on my head.
When we got back to the room I was checking out the souvenir's and realized we were missing some. Boo hadn't paid attention to the cashier when she was putting everything in the bag. So the only thing we ended up with was one t-shirt. So, we re-shopped and it just wasn't the same. Boo was really frustrated but, what can you do?
So, Saturday morning we arrived at the airport in Cancun only to discover our United flight was Cancelled due to MAINTENANCE ISSUES! Can you effing believe it? United has some broke ass planes and I won't ever use them again. They had to rebook every passenger on that flight. Luckily we were rebooked on a different airline and flew thru Charlotte to Indy. Poor Boo was miserable the whole trip home. I felt bad for him because I knew how he felt.

There's no place like it, especially if you're sick. I am very appreciative of my home, friends, family and family doctor. I don't even care that it's colder than a well diggers ass here. It's my home.
So, a few words of wisdom:
All inclusive resorts are okay if you don't stay more than four days, the food gets boring.
Try not to hype the vacay up too much, you don't want to be disappointed.
Buy travel/rental car insurance (I don't care if you think your policy will cover it, it won't.)
Don't piss off the moray eels or step on the stingrays.
Give a small tip at the all-inclusive even though you don't have to, you'll get better service.
Don't fly effing United Airlines.

So, there you go. I'll post some photos when I download them.

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