I've been listening to country music lately. I haven't listened in a few years. Maybe that's why sometimes I don't really know the current, most prominent version of myself. I have found that there a couple different versions of me. Not like scary Sybil, it just seems that I am a walking contradiction sometimes.
Maybe I 'd better clarify. Listening to this music takes me back to the root of who I am, how I was raised and where I come from. For the past few years I have become a slick, polished, smartypants career gal who buys too many clothes and shoes. Just the other day I was considering purchasing a pair of $200 jeans. I promise they didn't have platinum stitching or gold coins in the pockets. In fact, they looked pretty much like my GAP jeans...with a different tag sewn to the rear. But my rationale was, I deserve these jeans I've earned a treat, they'll look even better on my ass than Levi's. That's when (thank heavens) my alter ego showed up and smacked me upside the head. She told my slick self imagine what you could spend $200 on. It doesn't make any kind of good sense to blow it on a single pair of jeans, you tard. And amazingly my smartypants self listened to her. Walked out of the store.
Living in the city is sort of like constant peer pressure. Boo and I live on the northside of our major city. It's the more affluent side of town I guess. It wasn't my choice mind you..Boo already owned this house when we got hitched. And we aren't right in the thick of the yuppies, thank the angels. To illustrate my point; my sales territory is on the westside. All the little rural towns are over there. As I drove around today I noticed lots of pick-up trucks and hard working sweaty men. I like pickups and sweaty men. Then I started driving home and the closer I got to the northside, the pickups turned into SUV's (the fancy kinds) Mercedes, Lexus and Beemers mostly carrying men in white collared shirts with ties. There was more pavement, upscale shopping areas, and not so many trees. Now, I want to own up to the fact that my husband drives a Lexus, but he bought it pre-owned and plans to drive it into eternity. And we're going to pay it off this year.
But still. It's like a fancy car is a prerequisite to live on the northside. And fancy jeans, and shoes and Pottery Barn and Barnes and Noble...and I get sucked in because I forget that the real world lies beyond the city limits, down a winding road, over the hill and around the bend as you head into the trees. That's where I come from. That's where I am me. I catch glimpses of me sometimes and I want to grab that girls arm and say hey, take me with you.